Sunday is the Superbowl. Am I allowed to type that? I'm going to anyway. I grew up in Illinois just a 1 1/2 hours from Chicago. I became a fan of the Bears by location default. When I was a youngster, I was a fan of the Eagles. Thinking about it now, I was really just a fan of Harold Carmichael and Wilbert Montgomery and Dick Vermiel. I had a couple of friends who were big Steelers fans so I knew all about them. Flash-forward many years and I move to the Pittsburgh area and there is something in the air there. That was the year the the Pirates were good(the last one) and they were in the Playoffs. But the only thing that was on TV was the Steelers and this young kid who had big shoes to fill. Chuck Noll had just retired(been fired, whatever)and this Cowher guy was coming in. Who was this guy. That year the players were saying that this was going to be a "rebuilding" year. I think it was D.J. Johnson whi said that "We will probably go 8-8 this year." Well they went to the Playoffs that year and the Cowher Dynasty began and I became hooked.
I am a Bill Cowher fan. I am a Steelers fan. That being said, I still follow the Bears. For the last 23 years I have watched and bitched and cheered and thrown things at everything that the Bears do and have done. I think that everyone should have 2 teams. A Main Team and a Fall-back Team. My main Team is the Steelers. My fall-back Team is the Bears. This has been a pretty good season and last season was pretty good too.
Here's to all Football Fans, Go Bears! Remember: there is no good/bad Rex Grossman. There is just Rex and he will either succeed based on how his line holds up and if his receivers can catch. That's it.
By the way, I checked my bible and it said that "Lo, when the Rabid Fan with all the cats goes South to the Big Game, the end is nigh." That means you Sweetwood.
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Tattoo Ewww!!
Let's just get it out in the open. I'm a prude. Sure I talk a good game. I know the seven different chakras that can make a woman meow like a cat. I can tell the difference between the German Knucklecake and the Bulgarian Gas Mask. I know the particular sound pitch that will cause a woman to have a spectacular orgasam and her male friend to wet himself. But face it, I don't use this knowledge. Why? It's not because "Knowledge is Power" and I am setting myself up for a huge power play to take over the World. It is because I am rather prudish.
I went to Mardi Gras. I was embarrassed with what I saw. Mostly embarrassed with myself because it all seemed so commonplace and no one, the Police, the people debasing themselves or the weirdos with the digital cameras was acting like this type of behavior was not, for lack of a better word, normal. When the "guys" get together and talk "guytalk" I always try not to look uncomfortable and sound like the guy from the "40-year old Virgin" that is trying to talk about sex and really has no idea.
Now don't me wrong. I have a pretty reasonable idea on how this whole sex-thing works. I mean I have 2 kids that look enough and act enough like me that I can tell that they are mine. So I done it at least twice...STUD!
Anyway, let me get to what I trying in vain to bring up. My prudish nature really manifests itself when I run into people with tattoos. I have a real issue with tattoos. Here is Quatsch's "5 who are allowed to have tattoos"(and are not part of the Maroi culture)
1. Sailors
2. Convicts
3. Truck Drivers
4. Pirates
5. Circus Freaks
If you belong to one of these 5 groups, then you can have a tattoo. If you are not a member of these 5, then stay away from the ink.
Why don't I like them? They make you look dirty and not in the good way. The teenager giving me my burger at the local burger joint with his "Peace and Love" tats across his knuckles just leaves me cold. I see it now, "Dad. Can I get a tattoo?" "Son, you'll need a job to pay for it." Yuck.
The most beautiful woman in the world can come over to my house. She can cook me a huge meal. She can take off all of her clothes and tell me that I can do whatever I want with her and lucky me..she's got a tattoo. See you later...dirty hoor. Sorry, I had to go all hardcore there, but that's just how I'm wired. I saw on TV last night there was this rather attractive woman and she turned around and I thought that she had a rather odd design on the back of her dress and then I realized that it was her Tattoo! Help me here. Why put a tattoo where you can't see it? I've heard that it is so the "other person" can enjoy it. Well if that's the case, then put words there so I can read it because when someone it that close, the last thing I want to be doing is asking if that is a ducky or a sheep and why does the bottom part look like a design on Roy Clark's shirt. Now you got me thinking about Roy Clark and then I start humming "Ghost Riders in the Sky" and "Orange Blossom Special" and it all goes off the tracks from there.
"But it is a way to express myself and have something that lasts forever." Right. When you are in your 20's, the things that mean ever-so-much to you lose their luster either during the 2nd year of your 40-50 hour work week or you realize that your 35 now and in charge of over 100 people in a multi-national Company and the flaming skull being pierced by a dagger while being held by one of the Dragonball Z characters is showing though your shirt and the smart-ass kids that make up a majority of the workforce are laughing their behinds off behind you back.
Ahh...respect. Leave the tattoos to the people that deserve them. Use the money to buy yourself something that will last forever and allow you to express yourself...a Mortgage.
I went to Mardi Gras. I was embarrassed with what I saw. Mostly embarrassed with myself because it all seemed so commonplace and no one, the Police, the people debasing themselves or the weirdos with the digital cameras was acting like this type of behavior was not, for lack of a better word, normal. When the "guys" get together and talk "guytalk" I always try not to look uncomfortable and sound like the guy from the "40-year old Virgin" that is trying to talk about sex and really has no idea.
Now don't me wrong. I have a pretty reasonable idea on how this whole sex-thing works. I mean I have 2 kids that look enough and act enough like me that I can tell that they are mine. So I done it at least twice...STUD!
Anyway, let me get to what I trying in vain to bring up. My prudish nature really manifests itself when I run into people with tattoos. I have a real issue with tattoos. Here is Quatsch's "5 who are allowed to have tattoos"(and are not part of the Maroi culture)
1. Sailors
2. Convicts
3. Truck Drivers
4. Pirates
5. Circus Freaks
If you belong to one of these 5 groups, then you can have a tattoo. If you are not a member of these 5, then stay away from the ink.
Why don't I like them? They make you look dirty and not in the good way. The teenager giving me my burger at the local burger joint with his "Peace and Love" tats across his knuckles just leaves me cold. I see it now, "Dad. Can I get a tattoo?" "Son, you'll need a job to pay for it." Yuck.
The most beautiful woman in the world can come over to my house. She can cook me a huge meal. She can take off all of her clothes and tell me that I can do whatever I want with her and lucky me..she's got a tattoo. See you later...dirty hoor. Sorry, I had to go all hardcore there, but that's just how I'm wired. I saw on TV last night there was this rather attractive woman and she turned around and I thought that she had a rather odd design on the back of her dress and then I realized that it was her Tattoo! Help me here. Why put a tattoo where you can't see it? I've heard that it is so the "other person" can enjoy it. Well if that's the case, then put words there so I can read it because when someone it that close, the last thing I want to be doing is asking if that is a ducky or a sheep and why does the bottom part look like a design on Roy Clark's shirt. Now you got me thinking about Roy Clark and then I start humming "Ghost Riders in the Sky" and "Orange Blossom Special" and it all goes off the tracks from there.
"But it is a way to express myself and have something that lasts forever." Right. When you are in your 20's, the things that mean ever-so-much to you lose their luster either during the 2nd year of your 40-50 hour work week or you realize that your 35 now and in charge of over 100 people in a multi-national Company and the flaming skull being pierced by a dagger while being held by one of the Dragonball Z characters is showing though your shirt and the smart-ass kids that make up a majority of the workforce are laughing their behinds off behind you back.
Ahh...respect. Leave the tattoos to the people that deserve them. Use the money to buy yourself something that will last forever and allow you to express yourself...a Mortgage.
Monday, January 22, 2007
When Race and Gender make me mad.
After the Bears game this Sunday, you know the one where the Bears beat the Saints...no I take that back, prison-raped the Saints. I was treated to the knowledge that not only did the Bears win, but more importantly that there was a chance that there would be 2 African-American Coaches coaching in the SUPER BOWL for the first time. I thought, "Hey! That's it. The last 400 years of social injustice is now healed."
Really. Perhaps I'm being naive here, but since when is the ability of a person dictated by the color of his or her skin? Why is it such a big deal? Do the players say, "Gee, the Coach is the same color as me, so I'll perform better for him." Of course not(unless it is Barry Bonds, but let's not start on that guy yet). They perform because they are getting paid.
Now that I've got that off my chest, I can go to the next thing that bothers me. The lack of research that people do when they vote. Mrs. Clinton(Rodham) has announced that she might be seeking the White House. How many women are going to vote for her because she is a Woman? Don't vote for someone because they share something that you have. Vote because you agree with their stances on the issues. Ask what their policies are. What do they stand for not "I've got a vagina, she's got a vagina. Hello Madam President." I don't like Mrs. Clinton as a potential President. Is it because she is a woman? No, I like women. I don't like her politics. Pure and simple. I don't like that fact that what she stands for reeks of Socialism. I don't like that the fact that she (and her Party) will not stand up and be accountable for their decsions. Not being from New York, I have no idea what she has brought to the table to improve that State, but I'm guessing that she has done just enough to keep her job(who am I kidding? She was elected not hired. It's tough to fire an elected Offcial). The same thing holds true for Mr. Obama, but I'll talk about him at a later date. I like vaginas. I am not voting for a vagina. Unless it comes with a comprehensive plan on how it's not going to spend my money on giving healthcare to people who are in this country illegally. Oh yeah, and looks good in a thong.
Please stop telling me that need to get over my guilt and accept the fact that a Woman can run the Country as well as a Man and that a Black Man can coach a Team as well a White Man. In my myopic worldview, I don't care who or what you are as long as you can do the Job to my Satisfaction. Coach Smith. Congrats! You did it despite having all those years of Slavery keeping you down, When you broke the chains...nevermind, you did the Job that you said you were going to do and I thank you. Mrs. Clinton, no thanks. For anything.
Really. Perhaps I'm being naive here, but since when is the ability of a person dictated by the color of his or her skin? Why is it such a big deal? Do the players say, "Gee, the Coach is the same color as me, so I'll perform better for him." Of course not(unless it is Barry Bonds, but let's not start on that guy yet). They perform because they are getting paid.
Now that I've got that off my chest, I can go to the next thing that bothers me. The lack of research that people do when they vote. Mrs. Clinton(Rodham) has announced that she might be seeking the White House. How many women are going to vote for her because she is a Woman? Don't vote for someone because they share something that you have. Vote because you agree with their stances on the issues. Ask what their policies are. What do they stand for not "I've got a vagina, she's got a vagina. Hello Madam President." I don't like Mrs. Clinton as a potential President. Is it because she is a woman? No, I like women. I don't like her politics. Pure and simple. I don't like that fact that what she stands for reeks of Socialism. I don't like that the fact that she (and her Party) will not stand up and be accountable for their decsions. Not being from New York, I have no idea what she has brought to the table to improve that State, but I'm guessing that she has done just enough to keep her job(who am I kidding? She was elected not hired. It's tough to fire an elected Offcial). The same thing holds true for Mr. Obama, but I'll talk about him at a later date. I like vaginas. I am not voting for a vagina. Unless it comes with a comprehensive plan on how it's not going to spend my money on giving healthcare to people who are in this country illegally. Oh yeah, and looks good in a thong.
Please stop telling me that need to get over my guilt and accept the fact that a Woman can run the Country as well as a Man and that a Black Man can coach a Team as well a White Man. In my myopic worldview, I don't care who or what you are as long as you can do the Job to my Satisfaction. Coach Smith. Congrats! You did it despite having all those years of Slavery keeping you down, When you broke the chains...nevermind, you did the Job that you said you were going to do and I thank you. Mrs. Clinton, no thanks. For anything.
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