Tattoo Ewww!!

Let's just get it out in the open. I'm a prude. Sure I talk a good game. I know the seven different chakras that can make a woman meow like a cat. I can tell the difference between the German Knucklecake and the Bulgarian Gas Mask. I know the particular sound pitch that will cause a woman to have a spectacular orgasam and her male friend to wet himself. But face it, I don't use this knowledge. Why? It's not because "Knowledge is Power" and I am setting myself up for a huge power play to take over the World. It is because I am rather prudish.

I went to Mardi Gras. I was embarrassed with what I saw. Mostly embarrassed with myself because it all seemed so commonplace and no one, the Police, the people debasing themselves or the weirdos with the digital cameras was acting like this type of behavior was not, for lack of a better word, normal. When the "guys" get together and talk "guytalk" I always try not to look uncomfortable and sound like the guy from the "40-year old Virgin" that is trying to talk about sex and really has no idea.

Now don't me wrong. I have a pretty reasonable idea on how this whole sex-thing works. I mean I have 2 kids that look enough and act enough like me that I can tell that they are mine. So I done it at least twice...STUD!

Anyway, let me get to what I trying in vain to bring up. My prudish nature really manifests itself when I run into people with tattoos. I have a real issue with tattoos. Here is Quatsch's "5 who are allowed to have tattoos"(and are not part of the Maroi culture)
1. Sailors
2. Convicts
3. Truck Drivers
4. Pirates
5. Circus Freaks

If you belong to one of these 5 groups, then you can have a tattoo. If you are not a member of these 5, then stay away from the ink.

Why don't I like them? They make you look dirty and not in the good way. The teenager giving me my burger at the local burger joint with his "Peace and Love" tats across his knuckles just leaves me cold. I see it now, "Dad. Can I get a tattoo?" "Son, you'll need a job to pay for it." Yuck.

The most beautiful woman in the world can come over to my house. She can cook me a huge meal. She can take off all of her clothes and tell me that I can do whatever I want with her and lucky me..she's got a tattoo. See you later...dirty hoor. Sorry, I had to go all hardcore there, but that's just how I'm wired. I saw on TV last night there was this rather attractive woman and she turned around and I thought that she had a rather odd design on the back of her dress and then I realized that it was her Tattoo! Help me here. Why put a tattoo where you can't see it? I've heard that it is so the "other person" can enjoy it. Well if that's the case, then put words there so I can read it because when someone it that close, the last thing I want to be doing is asking if that is a ducky or a sheep and why does the bottom part look like a design on Roy Clark's shirt. Now you got me thinking about Roy Clark and then I start humming "Ghost Riders in the Sky" and "Orange Blossom Special" and it all goes off the tracks from there.

"But it is a way to express myself and have something that lasts forever." Right. When you are in your 20's, the things that mean ever-so-much to you lose their luster either during the 2nd year of your 40-50 hour work week or you realize that your 35 now and in charge of over 100 people in a multi-national Company and the flaming skull being pierced by a dagger while being held by one of the Dragonball Z characters is showing though your shirt and the smart-ass kids that make up a majority of the workforce are laughing their behinds off behind you back.

Ahh...respect. Leave the tattoos to the people that deserve them. Use the money to buy yourself something that will last forever and allow you to express yourself...a Mortgage.